.::Norika Hiwatari's Haven::.

This afternoon, my friends and I went to eat at Flaming Bufallo Wings. The food there was great! It has been a long time since I’ve eaten such food. Real food. Though, it is somehow deadly. Talk about Calories.

Anyway moving along, Gem suddenly shared this question: “There were two sisters visiting their mother’s grave. Suddenly, a prince charming came. Then next day, one of the sister killed her sibling. On the time when her sibling was on the grave, the prince charming came again. Why did she killed her sibling?”

I thought of all the possibilities I could and so I answered, “Hmm… maybe because she wanted to see the prince charming again.”

It took time before they reacted to my answer. Then Gem said, “OMG Cara! That’s how a serial killer think!”

All I could say, “eh?”

Thinking about it, I suddenly remember I encountered the same question when I was still in High School. I got the same result. I got the mind of a serial killer, but I can’t kill anyone no matter how much I loathe them. I gave me a thought of the possibilities why I have a similar thinking of a serial killer. Then, it suddenly hit into me. My past. The old me. I was no serial killer before that’s for sure but when I was on my elementary, I was a suicidal kid. I think of ways how I could die, how I felt I’m not worth living in this world, no one would really love the way I am. I hated the world for being so mean to me, I hated every mistakes I make, I hated to know the truth about it. I was scared (and somehow I’m still am) to see the real world. I was also an envious person, how I’m jealous that my classmates back then were rich and can get almost anything they ask for to their parents. Jealousy grew on me, I hated myself. I kept on crying and crying on small things.

Maybe, this could explain why I love Envy (from Full Metal Alchemist) so much. How I could understand what he feels and why he does this and that in both anime and manga. Sick, but that’s the truth. Though, everything has change for me when I reached High School, I learned to accept who I am and I still have a reason to live. Just be myself, I took note of it. Somehow, it worked. I gain more friends during high school, I felt somehow more comfortable communicating with others. I’ve opened up a lot. Sure, I still cry, but I cry because I was hurt as if I was stabbed through my heart.

But I can assure to you, my friends, I could never kill a person. I’ve planned a lot of suicidal scenes way before, and I couldn’t do it. Why? Because I know that I have friends who can make me happy while they can make me happy at the same time. I know there are people who loves me especially now, he’s still waiting for me and I’m still waiting for him to see each other one day.

I’m happy to have friends to be there with me whenever I’m up or down. I thank you and every moment we have spend together, they’ll always be precious to me. I love you all.

Mood :  awake